Why You Struggle With Money (Earning It, Keeping It, or Both) — 6 Unspoken Traumas
Struggle with money? It’s not your fault. It’s likely unhealed Money Trauma. From my story to the science, discover 6 hidden wounds that keep you stuck and how to rewire your brain for financial peace.
When I withdrew money from that high-interest (8%) insurance policy to pay off my ex-husband's debts, I told myself I was "helping him."
Years later, I finally faced the truth: I wasn't helping him. I was punishing myself.
Deep in my subconscious, a voice kept whispering, "You don't deserve to keep this money."
If you have ever:
- Earned money only to watch it vanish through unexpected expenses.
- Worked incredibly hard but could never seem to build savings.
- Felt a twinge of jealousy or discomfort when seeing others succeed.
- Felt more anxious, not less, after receiving a paycheck.
- Been afraid to let others know you have money.
...then you might be carrying Money Trauma.
And these wounds go much deeper than simply "growing up poor."
From a neuroscience perspective, the beliefs about money we form in childhood solidify into "neural highways" in our brains. Whenever a similar situation arises (like getting a bonus), this old pathway lights up automatically, triggering anxiety, avoidance, or self-sabotage. We end up repeating the same financial patterns on autopilot.
True healing is the conscious act of rewiring these circuits.
Today, I want to share 6 rarely discussed traumas that might be silently blocking your abundance.
Trauma 1: The Fear That "Money Destroys Connection"
Did you experience this? Watching family members scream at each other over money. Seeing a wealthy relative being used as an ATM. Or hearing adults say, "Money changes people."
The Seed: A belief was planted: Wealth = Isolation.
The Symptom:
- You subconsciously fear that if you get rich, you will lose your friends.
- You feel awkward discussing money (lending or collecting debts).
- You over-give or "scatter" your wealth just to prove you are still a "good person."
My Story: When I was little, my family lost everything in a recession. I watched my mother’s best friend—someone she had known for decades—say unforgivable things to her over a debt. That moment etched a scar on my heart: Money makes people cruel.
How to Heal: Ask yourself: "Am I buying love with my lack of boundaries?" Tell yourself: "Those who truly love me won't change based on my bank account. Losing a transactional relationship is not a loss; it is a liberation."
Trauma 2: The Shame of "I Don't Deserve This"
Did you experience this? Being called "greedy" for wanting a toy. Being told, "Who do you think you are?" Or constantly being compared to someone more "frugal."
The Seed: A belief was planted: Desire = Shame.
The Symptom:
- You feel guilty when you spend money on yourself.
- You hesitate endlessly over small purchases, then feel regret after buying.
- You subconsciously sabotage your success because you don't feel worthy of a good life.
How to Heal: Whenever you deny yourself something, ask: "Why exactly am I unworthy of this?" You won't find a valid answer. Start small. Buy the high-quality coffee. Buy the fresh flowers. Look in the mirror and say: "My existence is reason enough to be worthy."
Trauma 3: The Scarcity Mindset ("The Pie Is Limited")
Did you experience this? Hearing parents sigh, "Money doesn't grow on trees." Being taught that you have to fight for your share because "if you are slow, you get nothing."
The Seed: A belief was planted: One person’s gain is my loss.
The Symptom:
- You feel jealous of others' success (as if they took "your" money).
- You hoard things out of fear.
- You struggle to genuinely celebrate your friends' wins.
How to Heal: Look at nature. Are the leaves on a tree limited? Is the ocean water limited? Abundance is infinite. Someone else's success is not proof of lack; it is proof of possibility. Practice celebrating others. When you bless their abundance, you open the door for your own.
Trauma 4: The Safety Wound ("Wealth Attracts Danger")
Did you experience this? Hearing stories of wealthy people being kidnapped or robbed. Parents warning, "Don't show off, people will target you."
The Seed: A belief was planted: Visibility = Danger.
The Symptom:
- You spend money as soon as you get it (because having $0 feels "safer").
- You hide your assets or downplay your income.
- You feel a low-level anxiety whenever your savings account grows.
How to Heal: Remind your nervous system: "I am safe. I am capable of protecting my boundaries and my wealth." Financial literacy is the antidote to fear. Learn to manage and protect your assets so your rational brain knows you are secure.
Trauma 5: The Gender Wound ("Women Shouldn't Earn More")
(Especially for women) Did you experience this? Being told, "Find a rich husband." Hearing that successful women are "intimidating" or "unlovable." Or worrying that your partner will feel emasculated if you succeed.
The Seed: A belief was planted: Success = Loneliness.
The Symptom:
- You dim your light to make others comfortable.
- You pretend to have less than you do.
- You fear that career success will cost you your relationship.
How to Heal: Ask yourself: "Do I really want a partner who requires me to be small?" A partner who loves you will celebrate your power, not be threatened by it. You deserve both a thriving career and a loving relationship. They are not mutually exclusive.
Trauma 6: The "Passion vs. Profit" Trap
Did you experience this? I suspect 90% of us have heard this from parents or teachers: "You won't find a job with that major." "Doing what you love won't pay the bills." "A stable job is best—stop daydreaming."
Or perhaps you watched your parents sacrifice their dreams for a paycheck, enduring painful jobs just to survive.
My Story: This is exactly why I studied accounting. I hated the work, and truth be told, I never actually made a living from it.
The Seed: Because of this conditioning, a belief was planted in our subconscious: Making money and being happy are mutually exclusive.
The Symptom:
- You feel that making money and "being yourself" cannot coexist.
- You feel guilty charging for work you enjoy (feeling you shouldn't be paid for fun).
- You feel miserable in lucrative work (feeling like you are selling your soul).
- You are constantly torn between "ideals" and "reality."
How to Heal: Who said you have to choose? We live in a digital era where value comes from authenticity. Ask yourself: "Who told me I can't have both?" There are many people doing what they love and earning abundantly. You can too. Tell yourself: "I can do what I love AND be abundantly paid for it. My joy and my wealth can coexist. I don't need to sacrifice either."
How to Start Healing (4 Steps)
If you saw yourself in these 6 traumas, take a deep breath. Awareness is 50% of the cure.
Step 1: Write It Down. What is your core belief? "I'm not enough"? "Money is evil"? Put it on paper so you can see it objectively.
Step 2: Challenge It. Is this belief actually true? Or is it just a story you inherited from your parents?
Step 3: Rewrite the Script. Create a new neural pathway. "I am worthy of abundance." "Money is a tool for good." Repeat this daily.
Step 4: Take Micro-Actions. Healing doesn't happen in your head; it happens in your behavior.
- If you feel unworthy, buy yourself that small treat today.
- If you feel scarcity, send a congratulatory message to a successful friend.
A Personal Note: At the start of 2025, I set a big financial goal. But by the end of the year, I realized I hadn't focused on "chasing" money at all. I was simply living in a state of abundance and focusing on serving others. And the money came.
If you are struggling with financial anxiety, please know this: Your deepest lack isn't money—it's the belief that you are unworthy of it.
When you heal the inner wound, the outer reality shifts. I’ve walked this path. Now, I want to walk it with you.
You deserve an abundant life. Truly.
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