Let’s talk about why holding out for that one “big win” might be quietly eroding your path to success.

I’ve been sitting with a fascinating psychological concept lately: the “Self-Reward Personality.”

The research points to a painful truth many of us know too well, especially if we were raised in cultures that prize humility and constant striving: we’re often taught that celebrating before the final goal is reached is wasteful, arrogant, or even selfish.

This landed deep within me.

I can still see my younger self so clearly, living by a strict, self-imposed rulebook: “I’ll rest when I make my first pot of gold.” “I’ll celebrate when my daughter gets into the top school.” “I’ll treat myself when the project is perfectly, flawlessly complete.”

I treated joy like a distant finish line. But the result? That line kept moving. And long before I ever reached that mythical “perfect day,” my body gave out, and my spirit was running on empty.

Now, at 54, as a woman who has faced cancer twice and navigated single motherhood through many storms, I want to share a critical secret with you—one that sits at the heart of true manifestation:

You don’t celebrate because you’ve succeeded; you succeed because you’ve learned to celebrate along the way.

The Neuroscience: Your Brain Runs on Dopamine, Not Willpower

From a neuroscience lens, “Self-Reward” isn’t self-indulgence. It’s about providing the essential fuel your brain needs to thrive.

Here’s the simple science:

When you complete a small task—like writing a single paragraph or meditating for ten minutes—and you immediately offer yourself a moment of positive recognition (a warm cup of tea, a quiet pause, or a simple, “I did that well”), your brain releases dopamine.

Most of us are taught that dopamine is simply the “pleasure chemical.” But its real role is far more fascinating: it’s the “molecule of motivation and more.” It’s a key neurotransmitter for drive.

It tells your brain: “Hey, that action felt worthwhile. Let’s do more of that!” This creates a powerful, positive feedback loop.

The Danger of the “Suffering Strategy” On the flip side, if you constantly push yourself with criticism—“It’s not good enough,” “You’re too slow,” “You haven’t truly made it yet”—your brain begins to link “effort” with “stress” and “pain” (thanks to cortisol).

Over time, your subconscious mind will start to resist taking action, in a well-meaning but misguided attempt to protect you from that discomfort. This is the hidden reason so many feel stuck in their manifestation journey. It’s rarely about laziness. It’s often a brain deeply wired to associate effort with dread.

The Manifestation Secret: You Can’t Create Abundance from a Scarcity Vibration

In the realm of energy and manifestation, there’s a fundamental rule: You cannot create a reality of abundance while operating from a frequency of scarcity.

Think of the energy emitted by someone who refuses to celebrate until the very end. Their underlying signal to the Universe is:

• “I don’t have it yet.”
• “I am not worthy yet.”
• “Life is a struggle.”

This is a frequency of lack.

Now, feel into the energy of someone who knows how to honor their own efforts. Their signal becomes:

• “I am already abundant in my journey.”
• “I have the capacity to care for and value myself.”
• “Joy is available to me right now.”

Which frequency do you think the Universe—or your own Reticular Activating System (RAS)—will match and magnify?

When you practice self-reward, you are doing more than being kind to yourself. You are reclaiming your narrative and declaring to your own being that you are already whole.

3 Steps to Cultivate Your “Manifestation Constitution”

If you’re accustomed to being your own toughest critic, this shift takes gentle, consistent practice. You can begin rewiring your brain today with these three steps:

Practice 1: Reward the “Action,” Not Just the “Result”

Many of us tell ourselves: “I will buy that new dress only after I lose 10kg.” This is a trap because you are postponing joy.

Instead, focus on today. Did you choose a healthy meal? Reward that specific choice immediately with something small (like a relaxing bath or 10 minutes of guilt-free reading).

We must reward the identity we are building (“I am someone who makes healthy choices”), rather than suffering while waiting for the lagging indicator (the number on the scale) to change.

Practice 2: The “Micro-Victory” Ritual

Some time ago in Chiang Mai, two dogs rushed out to attack my dog. In the desperate moment of protecting him, both of us were bitten.

It was chaotic, but my “reward” wasn’t a material treat; it was acknowledging our stability.

I didn’t scream at the owner. Instead, I handled the situation calmly and rushed us to the hospital. While waiting for the doctor, I kept stroking my dog and whispering to him (and to myself):

“You are so brave. We are so brave. Our bodies know exactly how to heal. We have powerful immune systems, and we are going to be okay.”

That moment of trusting our resilience was the reward. You can reward yourself simply by choosing trust over fear in the middle of a crisis.

Practice 3: Design Your “Dopamine Menu”

Create your personal ladder of rewards:

• For small wins: Listen to your favorite song, take a long bath, savor a special coffee.
• For bigger milestones: Book that weekend getaway, invest in the item you’ve been envisioning.

Teach your brain that your future is not about deprivation, but about joyful anticipation.

Reclaim Your Narrative

My dear friend, treating yourself with kindness doesn’t require a certificate or a podium finish. You don’t need anyone’s permission.

Your very breath, your resilience in facing another day, your quiet courage to keep going—these are more than enough reason to celebrate.

Try on this “Self-Reward Personality” like a new, comfortable coat. You may just find that when you begin to genuinely cherish yourself, the world begins to mirror that generosity back to you.

This isn’t just feel-good magic. It’s practical, high-level brain science—and it’s a choice you can make in this very moment.

So, take a breath. Look for one tiny, worthy thing you did today—or simply the fact that you’re here, reading this, seeking growth—and acknowledge it. That’s where your new path begins.